The title of this post may mean many different things to different women. And it is meant to. So let me just explain it a little further.
First of all, what does success mean? How can one person decide if someone else is successful or not? The fact of the matter is, they can’t! It is a very individual thing. A feeling of accomplishment in a certain area. For example a mother may consider themselves successful running a happy household whereas another may feel successful bringing home a six figure income. Perhaps a woman may be successful at keeping herself fit and healthy and another may have successfully set up a new business.
Whatever the different concepts of success may be, it is very common to hear a woman’s energy is somewhere else in a place where she feels less confident. Dare I say something that she feels she is failing in. And this is the second half of the title, terrible relationships.
When you read the word relationship, what pops into your head? Having asked a number of women this question, the answers were surprisingly diverse. Its true the majority settled upon a person, usually a partner (past or present). But for others, it had different meanings. Some replied parent or children. Others very quickly said food (chocolate usually!) or alcohol. A few said money. A couple mentioned ‘a friend’ and one said their boss!
The word relationship here as we do this self help exercise, can be anything that is not helping you right now. Something or someone that is not serving you well in some way. It may be a toxic friend who drains you every time you meet. Or your children, where you feel the relationship has broken down, often happening during teenage years.
So as an exercise, I ask you firstly to complete a sentence, to fill in the blanks so to speak.
I am a successful woman in this/these area(s)…………………. but I have a terrible relationship with…………………..
Some women will know straight away how to answer this. For others however, it may be the first time they have ever had to admit to themselves that there is a problem somewhere in their lives. Very often we present such a front we almost believe our own coverups as our ego merrily plays along that everything is great and rosy!
Then, using these headings to help focus your thinking, try to write down some answers. Be as honest as you can and write what comes into your head. Try not to over think as our first thoughts are often extremely valuable. As an example I shall complete my sentence like this…..
I am a successful woman in my career and financially but I have a terrible relationship with my husband.
How does having this relationship manifest in your life?
I am always anxious I am afraid to give my opinion
He always puts me down
- My sex drive is zero
- I have no energy for life
How does this make you feel?
- On edge and tearful.
- Irritable with my children
- Demotivated and stupid
- Unattractive and invaded if we have to have sex
- Tired, snappy, stuck
Does this affect you physically?(Illness?)
- The anxiety is playing havoc with my digestion so I have IBS
- I often get thrush symptoms
- I'm so tired I can get headaches
What would it be like if this area was successful?
- I feel confident and supported
- My opinion is always valued
- I feel sexy and attractive and like a woman!
- I feel loved and safe
- I am encouraged every day and I look forward to the future
This tool can be used to evaluate how you are actually feeling about a particular relationship. Whatever that word meant to you. It may be a few different things. Fill out that sentence as many times as you need to with different situations, but use the guiding columns to help you understand just how much something is truly affecting your life.
This recognition may be enough for you to make the changes you need. For some however it may be the beginning of a period of change that brings up fear and no idea how to even start.
There are many options out there to guide you through, whether it is self help books or seeking professional advice.
I offer women the guidance needed to change using homeopathy to help with the emotional and often physical side and coaching to discover the new and different, next phase of your life.
To get in touch call me on 07833 591 060 or email firstname.lastname@example.org